I rewatched Friends from the beginning and I didn’t learn anything, sorry

Recently, due to my brain producing adequate levels of mood-regulating chemicals, I decided to rewatch the hit television program Friends from the beginning. This was a choice that I made because of my extreme mental wellness and overall contentment. Again, I am well.

Regrettably, I did not learn anything in the process. 

It did not teach me anything about culture in the 90s (the first 38 episodes do have at least one gay joke each, but that is absolutely not a revelation). 

It did not teach me anything about love (everyone except Ross and Rachel keep falling in “love” absurdly quickly, but that is primarily owing to the fact that this is a multi-camera sitcom written by television writers). 

It did not teach me about life (I already knew that no one told me it was gonna be this way). 

And it sure as hell didn’t teach me anything about friendship (“living across the hall from your besties would be tight” is not a learning).

No, in the end what I mainly learned was this: my HBO Max subscription provides me with access to the full Warner Bros catalogue of programming. You can subscribe at hbomax.com or in your preferred app store, and be sure to use code LEFTONREADHEAD for a 0% discount.

When Can You Stop Reading That Book?

There’s no universal rule of thumb for when you can stop reading a book after you pick it up. Some say after you get through 50 pages. Others say after you skip to the end and read the last sentence (if you’re a crazy person). But here are some of the most useful standards our panel of experts has come up with:

  • When it’s time to head to this month’s book group.
  • When the book cuts to an entirely different scene/set of characters, and the dialogue is just as horrid as before.
  • When you see a NYT controversy raging about it.
  • When God rests on the seventh day.
  • When you give up and look at the Wikipedia summary.
  • When you’ve exhausted all the good stuff from the book jacket.
  • When the author is credibly accused of sexual misconduct.
  • When you see the movie.
  • When your friends, strangers, and twitter bots make fun of you for reading Infinite Jest.
  • When you’ve bought two new books since you started reading this one.
  • When you haven’t opened it in like six months and three books have since been stacked on top of it. 
  • When the HBO adaption is better than the manuscript.
  • Never. Don’t be weak. Don’t give up.