This week, Mitski was outed by red rose twitter as having a father whose career in international relations potentially involved some illicit behavior. This is what week 8 of quarantine looks like and I for one am HERE for it.
It reminded me a bit of when our generation found out that Ke$ha wasn’t some trailor-trash flunky with an alcohol problem, but was actually the daughter of a famed songwriter and possibly the offspring of Mick Jagger. Or when the next generation found out that Billie Eilesh wasn’t some suburban outcast with an alcohol problem, but was actually the daughter of a (different) famed songwriter. You get the picture.
So at the risk of ruining your perception of these beloved celebs forever, I did a little digging on who else secretly comes from powerful families—and you’re not gonna like it:
- Jenna Bush-Hager: You know her as the lovable co-host of the ninth hour of the Today Show, but, ummmm apparently her dad did war crimes too? Not cool, Jenna!
- Jamie Lee Curtis: Ok, I know what you’re thinking—her mom, Lindsay Lohan, is a beloved early 2000’s icon. But here’s where it gets weird (or should I say… freaky!!): her actual mom is Janet Leigh. Yes, THE Janet Leigh. That awful, shrill woman who never stopped screaming. Hey, news flash Janet: a little steak knife never hurt nobody!! We HATE Janet Leigh!!
- Hermes: Look, we all love the messenger god, and not just for inventing the lyre. But methinks nepotism was afoot (get it?!) in getting him that sweet gig as courier for Mount Olympus. A quick scan of the old resume reveals he had NO prior experience delivering messages for the gods, but he did have a pretty handy connection: his father Zeus! Um, maybe next time let one of us mere mortals have a shot?
- Tracee Ellis Ross: Oh my god we GET it, your mom is Diana Ross. Cool. Awesome. But could you maybe try to be a little more original? You literally put “Ross” in your name to remind us all and honestly, it’s cringe.
- Kim Jong-un: Ok real talk, fuck this dude’s dad. He wasn’t very “ill” if you get my drift. And then Kim Jong-un comes swaggering in with his dope fits and his sexy haircut, and we’re just supposed to forget about the death camps and the famines? Uh, no way, pal!
- Jaden Smith: I’ll give him credit, my guy tried to hide his famous lineage with that nondescript last name, but there’s no denying the resemblance. Jayden is rumored to be the great-great-great-great-grandson of John Smith, a 17th-century English explorer most famous for kidnapping Pocahontas. We hate!
- Colin Hanks: He’s best known as Chet’s failed actor brother, but did you know that Colin’s stepmom is actress and singer Rita Wilson?? I bet she gave him all sorts of acting lessons—not exactly fair to the other actors out there!!
Now, it’s not all bad. As a bonus, did you know that Jenna Fischer is Carrie Fisher’s daughter? We absolutely love to see her carrying on her mom’s legacy! ❤