So, like, I was thinking and, like, I had a total ~crazy~ idea that’s like super funny but what if all of the people who said Donald Trump wasn’t elected for being a racist were LOL totally wrong and haha he is just a racist and that’s why they elected him and IT’S. JUST. WILD. because white Americans have enjoyed never having to change their way of thinking and, like, LOL they realized we may actually have to start moving towards real equality 😉 after having a Black president didn’t magically make racism disappear WHICH IS CRAZY BCUZ I TOTALLY THOUGHT IT WOULD 😛 and lol then they were like “I don’t LOVE oppression but I’m supes afraid of real equality and racial justice because my grandparents did some p fucked up stuff to make sure Black people didn’t live in their neighborhood” then *oop* they voted for the guy who started his campaign by calling Mexicans rapists but it was chill because he did concede some of them are okay so it’s not a race thing except the whole putting kids in cages thing so I guess that was a racism (?) but the stock market was booming so yay racism (!!) jk but really they did enjoy the racism because it freed them from the PC police who made them do bads like not say the N word and call people by their names which is totes hard since I hate people and their stupid names UGH and now the president is retweeting people saying “white power” except he didn’t hear that part because ~he doesn’t hear color~ which we used to think was a no no don’t do except all of the indoor racists are now outdoor racists and lol I know it’s just a random idea but 😉 maybe forty percent of our country just wants to kill Black people haha OOP
It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, huh? One day, you’re carelessly walking down the street singing Lana del Rey. The next day you find out that DESPITE Green Book winning Best Picture, racism is APPARENTLY still a thing??? It’s wild. At times like these, you instinctively want to turn to your friends who are knowledgeable about what’s going on to get support. However, after realizing your friends are pretty fucking white, you have decided to turn to an even better source of support: That one black person from your junior year English class that you’re pretty sure you worked with on a group project. You ask them everything, from where to donate, to how to protest, to how to define the word “systemic”. And UGH (!!!) they’re all like, “I’m sorry, but I do not have time to talk to you about this and also I wasn’t in your English class.”
Well, despite their selfishness, I have good news for you: I have discovered a new tool that will help answer all of your pressing questions. Introducing: Google.
For the uninformed, Google is an A-MAZ-ING thing on the internet that lets you discover relevant information. From “What is racism?” to “Are you sure I can still be a racist if I like the movie Barbershop?”, Google is a gateway to sorting out all of the questions that are driving you crazy, but you can’t seem to find a black distant acquaintance to answer. Best of all, Google will connect you with a bunch of other crazy new tools that can help fill in your knowledge gaps—like Reddit, for finding out whether you can be a furry and a racist at the same time (you can!), or Twitter, for discovering whether people will threaten a hate crime on a public forum (they will!).
During this uncertain time, we are all looking for answers. With Google, you have that knowledge at your fingertips. Now, go forth and educate yourself—then spend twelve times as much time repeating and iterating the small bit of knowledge you learned. We’re counting on you.