Have you dreamed of working for the sometimes bi-weekly newsletter that The New Yorker once referred to as “spectacularly self-assured”? Then you’re in luck. Left On Read is looking to hire one passionate, self-motivated, and experienced individual who can come explain to us what the fuck happened in Tenet.

The only requirement is a PhD in particle physics, since that’s apparently needed to understand this goddamn movie. Research questions of interest to you should include:

• How the fuck does someone travel backward and forward through time at the same damn time?
• Is there even a remotely scientific basis to any of this at all?
• Is that woman really that tall?
• How can I learn to have even a vanishingly small percentage of the swagger that John David Washington has?
• Hang on, John David Washington played running back for the Saint Louis Rams??

It probably goes without saying, but this position is entirely uncompensated.