how taylor swift avoided the lead single trap

as taytay has amassed wealth, fame, power, and cats over the last decade, she has been unable to escape one non-kanye-related nemesis: the first song released from her own albums. even as she churned out albums packed with chart-topping, introspective bangers, she seemed incapable of releasing any of those songs in the buildup to her album release.

instead, she continually opted for songs that could generously be described as “sonically foul” and which were wildly out of step with her actual albums. 

the most recent and galling example was a vile poptastrophe titled “me!” that inexplicably featured brendon urie, everyone’s third-favorite pop rock frontman. while lover itself was a delightful journey into the world of a young woman who feels it all coming together… “me!” was a terrifying descent into someone’s half-hearted and frankly reckless journey through the looking glass.

before that, there was the evil and wretched “look what you made me do,” a right said fred ripoff that would have been more at home in an off-broadway parody of the mean girls musical. reputation surely wasn’t as complete as her other pop albums, but from “getaway car” to “call it what you want” and “delicate,” there were plenty of more appropriate options.

and let’s not forget that the lead single for the world-altering, record-crushing, career-defining 1989 was, inexplicably, the entirely forgettable “shake it off.” this faux-empowerment anthem featured taylor claiming people said she stayed out too late (no one has ever thought you partied too hard, sorry tay) and ogling black women’s asses (take the video down, tay)—and was somehow selected from an album that featured, in no particular order: “style, “blank space,” “wildest dreams,” “style,” “new years day,” “clean,” “out of the woods,” “style,” “this love,” “style,” “how you get the girl,” “style,” and “style.”

but this time around, taylor managed not to fall into the same trap. so how’d she do it? she started by filling the album with only good songs, then didn’t release any as lead singles. she just released the dang album, let us vibe to it, and peaced out. 

and we are truly grateful.

Is Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” an Allegory for the U.S.–China Climate Pact?

Taylor Swift is having a moment. If you’ve been anywhere near an electronic device in the last month, this is no news to you. Her album 1989 debuted to critical success she’s never seen before and commercial success no one’s seen since Britney’s hayday. But if there’s been one knock on our pop star du jour, it’s that she’s a relative lightweight.

While Beyoncé samples Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s feminist poetry, TayTay sings about mean boys and fun nights and how old she is. Right? WRONG.

Turns out, T-Swift is using her noted lyrical prowess to comment on the great Issues Of The Day with biting analysis—we just haven’t been looking hard enough. And the proof is in her latest smash-hit single, “Blank Space.”

“Blank Space” has been praised as many things: a self-aware take on her “boy crazy” reputation, a strong repudiation of the stereotypes placed on women, a pure-pop cakewalk that’s easy to listen to and hard to forget. But what we’ve largely ignored is Swift’s intriguing commentary on the recent climate deal struck by American President Barack Obama and Chinese President Xi Jinping.

Right now you might be thinking, “What on EARTH is [name redacted for legal reasons] talking about, that makes no sense.” Or, you might be thinking, “Wow [name redacted for legal reasons] is so smart I’m glad I’m reading this.” If you’re thinking the second thing, you’re right. Let’s look at the lyrics to find out why:

Swift starts off with “Nice to meet you/ where you been?” as a way of politely chastising China’s absence from previous rounds of climate discussions. It’s as if she’s saying she’s happy to see China finally at the negotiating table, but there really is no excuse for their previous refusals to consider action on climate change.

In the next stanza she moves on to “New money/ suit and tie/ I can read you like a magazine.” Here she acknowledges that it has only been in the last half century or so that China has fully industrialized, and in the process has become an economic powerhouse able to rival and likely surpass the other richest countries. Plus—and this is really getting a bit weird—if you look at the attire both men wore while speaking to the press during Obama’s visit… it’s actually a suit and tie! Spooky!

“Ain’t it funny/ rumors fly/ and I know you’ve heard about me” is an interesting take on President Obama’s known hatred for leaked information coming out of his administration. She wryly calls such leaks “funny” while pointing out that China’s vast intelligence operation has likely already heard plenty. 

When she sings “So hey/ let’s be friends,” I’m 99% sure she’s actually just quoting President Obama’s opening line in the most recent round of negotiations.

“I’m dying to see/ how this one ends,” is one of the more macabre lines in the song and the lyric that makes clear where Swift stands on the issue of climate change. Always one to turn a phrase, she points out that we’ll all be “dying”—in flooded cities, burning hillsides and drought-ravaged plains—to see how HUMANITY ends if we fail to act.

One of her least subtle lines comes next: “Grab your passport/ and my hand.” Yes, Taylor, we understand that this agreement was hashed out on President Obama’s overseas trip last month, and that Obama and Jinping like holding hands.

But she’s right back at it with “I can make the bad boys good for a weekend.” China has long been the proverbial “bad boy” of climate change discussions, but over just a few days of intense negotiations, President Obama was able to make them “good.”

“So it’s gonna be forever/ or it’s gonna go down in flames” is a dire warning once again. Either both nations stick to this hugely important pact for the long run, or the planet literally runs the risk of being consumed by flames fanned by higher temperatures, more severe droughts, and increased lightning strikes.

When Swift sings “You can tell me when it’s over/ if the high was worth the pain” there are actually two reasonable interpretations. Either she’s acknowledging that reducing carbon emissions will be a painful process for an industrializing economy like China’s—and that there’s no guarantee it will be worth it—or she’s pointing out that for decades China’s carbon levels have been too high and that we are all now due for the pain that is sure to come as a result. I’m inclined to believe it’s the former, but you can form your own opinion on this one.

You can’t, however, form your own opinion on the next line: “Got a long list of ex-lovers/ they’ll tell you I’m insane.” That’s because there’s no doubt that Swift is using “ex-lovers” to mean allies, of which the U.S. certainly has a long list. Yet would any of us be surprised if allies like Germany, Brazil, or Israel would refer to America as “insane” in light of recent NSA revelations? In fact, perhaps only Great Britain among our allies would be willing to stick up for us at this point; but in Swift-parlance, that special relationship is more likely to be considered a “soul-mate” than an “ex-lover.”

With “Cause you know I love the players/ And you love the game” Swift offers perhaps her biggest critique of Obama. While he tried to lead through the sheer force of personality and likability, Jinping has successfully mastered the “game” and led China to economic strength and international acceptance that no other communist nation with such a frightening human rights record has achieved.

“Cause we’re young and we’re reckless/ we’ll take this way too far” references the knee-jerk reaction from many American conservatives who said that Obama—despite a term and a half in the White House—is an inexperienced negotiator who made a poorly-thought-out deal with China.

“It’ll leave you breathless/ or with a nasty scar” is actually a little bit rude. Referencing China’s devastating pollution and smog issues (which have been known to leave residents with asthma literally breathless) in a song about their new efforts to reduce emissions just seems like a low blow. The kind of blow that could leave a nasty scar, actually.

After referencing America’s “long list” of allies once more, she goes to the crucial line: “But I’ve got a blank space, baby/ and I’ll write your name.” If there has been one nation missing from climate negotiations in the last few decades, it has undoubtedly been China. Each time an agreement is drawn up, their space remains blank and the pledge remains unsigned. Finally, after years of trying, President Obama is ready to write in China as a partner in the fight against climate change.

“Cherry lips/ crystal skies” is a quick paean to the literally brighter environmental future the two nations share—though I would argue that “cherry lips” is rather offensive if it’s intended to describe Chinese traditional white-face-red-lips makeup, but hey, this wouldn’t be the first time Taylor’s been accused of cultural insensitivity. 

At the end of the stanza she dives into a bit more of a realistic take: “Wait the worst/ is yet to come, oh no.” And she’s right. Even with this historic climate pact and a renewed worldwide effort to reduce carbon emissions, we have already done too much damage. We can do our best to mitigate the effects, but things are bound to get worse before they get better.

“Screaming/ crying/ perfect storms” seems to acknowledge this further in startling imagery. Is this the future we want? Death? Destruction? Massive hurricanes wreaking havoc?

Yet just a few lines later she’s back to describing the negotiations, with a line sure to please both Obama critics and his supporters: “Darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.” To fans of the president, this line encapsulates the success of Obama’s trip to China. He smiled for the cameras. He wore Chinese garb. He glad-handed the elites. But behind closed doors he took it to China, getting them to agree to a deal that could limit their economic expansion in order to secure a better future for us all. The president’s detractors are sure to read the line as an indictment of Obama’s attempts to use his charismatic personality to cover up a failed presidency. 

After this, she repeats the chorus a few times for emphasis (as if to say, “Do you hear what I’m saying, America? THIS IS ABOUT INTERNATIONAL CLIMATE NEGOTIATIONS!”), then Swift has one more line of interest: “Boys only want love if it’s torture/ don’t say I didn’t/ say I didn’t warn ya.” Here, she tees up what we can expect from her next album: a scathing critique of the ‘enhanced interrogation” techniques employed by the United States during the War on Terror and the flimsy legal justification used to permit such practices.

I think we’re all looking forward to listening to that, but for now we’ll just have to make do with what we have: a catchy ear-worm of a pop-hit that doubles as a well-researched take on the U.S.-China climate agreement.

The Dumbest Possible Lines in F9 If It Goes to Space

In an interview last week, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges let slip a remark that strongly suggested the possibility that the newest installment in the Fast and the Furious franchise, F9, will see our favorite crew of international crime-fighting street racers go to SPACE. This is actually somewhat logical for a series of films that has raised the stakes with reckless abandon in each successive film, though we admit we had hoped they’d wait until the tenth film for the inevitable space excursion so the world could be treated to a barrage of groan-worthy Space X puns.

Throughout the course of the last nine films, the franchise has made a splendid transition from a self-serious homage to Los Angeles street-racing culture to a rollicking, self-aware half-caricature-half-tribute to the action movie genre. However, the series has never completely uncoupled itself from the corniness of the earlier installments, so if F9 does indeed take our favorite Family to space, we can expect some absurdly bad dialogue to surround the adventure. Here are a few lines we think we might hear in the film:

DOM: You know, my pops always told me to shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, he said, you’ll land among the stars.

ROMAN: We’re going to SPACE? Hell yeah, baby! I’ve always wanted to see some of them good-lookin’ alien bitches!
TEJ: [rolls eyes]

JOHN CENA’S CHARACTER: Just because there’s no gravity in space doesn’t mean you can’t get a little……..Attitude Adjustment

TEJ [TO ROMAN]: No one can hear you scream in space, so maybe we’ll finally get one quiet moment from your dumb ass.

LETTY: You know I’d ride with you to the end of the Earth…
DOM: We may need a little more than that this time.

ROMAN [to Ramsey]: Come on, baby, look. I could take you anywhere. [points to Earth from space shuttle] You wanna go to that place there? I’ll take you there.
TEJ: That’s North Korea. You’re gonna take her to North Korea?

EXCLUSIVE: The tracklist for Sufjan Stevens’ upcoming album has been leaked

LoR has obtained the tracklist for Sufjan Stevens’ upcoming album, Etsy Handkerchiefs. Check out these surefire bangers:

  1. goodbye happiness, etude no. iii
  2. Wall, SD
  3. I Wish I Had Been Better Friends with Phil, the Guy Who Played Euphonium in Concert Band in High School
  4. # Actually Should Be Referred To As “Pound Sign,” Not “Hashtag”
  5. Toward a More Progressive Tax Policy in the Kingdom of Sheba
  6. Sic Semper (Rick) Moranis
  7. Get Paroxysmal!
  8. Everlane’s Shipping Costs are Too Dang High
  9. Feline AIDS
  10. Michael Dukakis
  11. Herpetology x Ornithology
  12. Tripping Acid on the Feast of Saint Joseph Day
  13. Andrew Bird Hath Released All Of My Bees, or, Our Prank War Has Escalated Into Me Stealing All Of His Old Timey Cartography Tools, or, Holy Balls I Dropped Andrew Bird’s Sextant on My Foot and it Hurts Like a Motherfucker
  14. How Do I Get Glitter Out Of My Bedsheets?
  15. Pontius Pilate’s Waltz
  16. Driving My Iguana To The Veterinarian (I’m Not Sure Whether They Treat Iguanas) 
  17. Isaac’s Bris
  18. Hark! The Washing Machine Now Charges $1.75 Per Load! 
  19. Triglycerides Are a Type of Fat (Lipid) Found in Your Blood
  20. hello sadness, etude no. viii

Goodreads is the Best Social Media App

Goodreads is the best social media app. Sorry flickr or medium or whatsapp or whodunnit or whatnot, but Goodreads is so good it should be called Greatreads. Weather Channel app? Uh, looks like a big front of fuck you is rolling in—Left on Read stans Goodreads as the best app of all time.

What other app lets me subtly perform my own wokeness (why yes I did just recently finish How to Be an Antiracist, and of course I gave it 5 stars) while judging others for their hollow performity or failure to even try (The Help: The Book???). And what other piece of technology can give me a sense of what percent of a book I’ve gotten through—something that, before the Goodreadaissance, I had to figure out by flipping to the back of the book every five minutes. Sure it might be owned by Bad Bad Daddy Bezos, but as far as I can tell Goodreads hasn’t influenced an American election or been a Trojan Horse for Chinese spyware. 

Goodreads is an app that reminds me how many of my acquaintances are over-achieving nerds who like to announce how many books they want to read in a year to strangers. But it can simultaneously tell me how many of those dweebs are also willing to broadcast to that same audience that they have thoroughly enjoyed Jock Blocked (“She can’t let him score…”). 

At Goodreads’ best, it promotes an almost unqualified good (reading). And even its worst elements (reducing the complex nuances of a piece of art down to a five-star rating system; the incessant gamification of everyday activities) aren’t the worst examples that we’ve seen from apps such as Robinhood or Yelp. With Goodreads, I don’t have to like other people’s activity. And I don’t have to worry about whether other people have liked the fact that at some point I intend to read The New Jim Crow (yes I know I’m at least five years past due on this). Better yet, I can shout into the newsfeed void that, yes, I have read all seven Harry Potter books, and also yes, I think they’re excellent—all without having to go on Twitter to catch the latest updates from the TERF-war front

At the end of the day, Goodreads is all that I want out of a social media app: A nerd’s hot-or-not ranking of all of literature, combined with a way to judge the people who voluntarily give their time and money to the Ayn Rand estate. And that’s a beautiful thing. 

Movie Pitches for a Post-Pandemic World

60*: In the 2020 pandemic- and labor-unrest-shortened MLB season, the White Sox went 60–0 en route to their first World Series victory since 2005. But should their incredible season have an asterisk next to it? From producer Barack Obama and the guys who brought you Fever Pitch comes the sports movie from an era when we worried we’d never have sports again.

Jumanji 5: There’s no alternate world, but they play a board game, which is pretty fun.

The Newest Wes Anderson Movie [working title: The Sunnyside ICU]: What, you think that just because there’s a global pandemic, Wes Anderson can’t make another movie? You don’t think he can just walk into someone’s house, paint everything in pastels and make things symmetrical and well-lit? Fuck you. (Starring Jason Schwartzman.)

I Know What You Did Last Summer 2: A psycho murderer stalks a group of teens who spent the summer of 2020 ACTING LIKE EVERYTHING WAS NORMAL, NOT SOCIAL DISTANCING, HAVING PARTIES INDOORS, SPREADING THEIR IDIOT GERMS EVERYWHERE.

You Stupid Motherfuckers: This is just three and a half hours of Dr. Anthony Fauci personally and repeatedly insulting the American people (directed by Scorsese, obviously).

Shooting Blanks: A heartwarming rom com about LeBron James, a generational talent on the court who has his last shot at winning one final NBA championship. But you’ll never guess who his team signs—his nightmare ex! Premiering on the Hallmark Channel this August.

Quaranteam: OK, hear me out—it’s six conventionally attractive white people who live in a massive apartment in the Village, and buddy let me tell you, they get into some serious HIJINKS during their time in quarantine (they fuck).

Imagi-nation: A gutsy documentary following that time The Celebs sang at us for some reason, culminating in an emotional debut at the Toronto Film Festival.

A Quiet Place Part 3: It’s quiet because we’re all dead!

Untitled Harry Potter Prequel: In which J.K. Rowling reveals that the founders of Hogwarts were all anti-vaxxers. (Also that Helga Hufflepuff had an IUD.)

La La La La Land: The President spends every minute of every day singing incoherently to avoid learning about all of the people dying. The choreo is sub-par because only white straights are allowed to help on the film.

There Used To be 50: A touching tribute to the former state of Florida, written and directed by Pitbull. 17 Oscars, a clean sweep.

White People Didn’t Know This Would Be On The Test

Listen closely. Do you hear it? Do you hear the sound of millions of white people furiously cramming for a test we had 400 years to prepare for?

Nationwide, bookstores and retailers are sold out of titles about how anti-Black racism has remained at the center of our society and how white people of all political persuasions have played an active role in upholding that intolerable status quo. Book clubs are eschewing Sheryl Sandberg for Robin DiAngelo, and local booksellers are placing bulk orders for How To Be An Antiracist

In film too the cramming is apparent, if a bit less heartening. Even as America reopens from the first part of Wave 1 of the first year of the coronavirus pandemic, citizens are staying home to watch The Help (sigh) and 13th (lfg). Even that sacred safe space for white complacency, podcastdom, has been overtaken by a fervor for racial justice.

In other words: at least 401 years after the first America-bound slave was kidnapped, brutalized, and brought to our shores; 237 years after the Constitution falsely claimed that its authors believed all men were created equal; 155 years after the enslaver’s rebellion was put down by force; 134 years after Rutherford B. Hayes traded generations of Black dreams for four years of power; 99 years after Black Wall Street was pillaged and burned by domestic terrorists; 65 years after Emmett Till was murdered; 57 years after Bull Connor’s attack dogs; 55 years after Malcolm X was murdered; 52 years after Martin Luther King, Jr. was murdered; 28 years after Rodney King was beaten; 8 years after Trayvon Martin was murdered; 6 years after Mike Brown and Laquan McDonald were murdered; 3 years after Eric Garner was murdered; 4 months after Ahmaud Arbery was murdered; 3 months after Breonna Taylor was murdered; and 2 weeks after George Floyd was murdered… white people have discovered we may have some work to do to dismantle white supremacy. 

Now, that sounds like a condemnation—and in part, it is. Cramming for a test we’ve had our whole lives to prepare for is deeply embarrassing. But feeling embarrassed and trying to educate ourselves are two of the better things we can do right now. The situation is deeply embarrassing and at the same time it’s encouraging. Understanding that contradiction is central to how we maintain the momentum of the last few weeks.

We wrote after Ahmaud Arbery was hunted and killed that we’d been here before, and that it had all become so sickeningly familiar. Now, this time feels different, no doubt. But for it to actually be different it’s going to require white people to finally do the work we’ve been putting off for half a millennium. 

So reading up, getting educated, and sharing resources is a good start. But it really is just a start, a bare minimum first step, and we can’t lose sight of how much damage has been done by waiting this long. If the last-second studying gets us anywhere, it’ll hopefully be a place where we start to conceptualize the work and time that’s needed to repair that damage. 

Image credit: 12 Books Written by Black Authors You Won’t Be Able to Put Down ✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿

On the 25th Anniversary of Jagged Little Pill

If you ask me, Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill, which turns 25 on Saturday, has a case as the best album of the 90s. It is an uninterrupted string of absolute slappers. There is not a single skip track, and of the twelve songs on the album, you could make a compelling case for at least eight of nine of them as her best song ever. It is the rare coalescence of an artist’s near entire anthology of top bangers burned onto one small piece of polycarbonate plastic.

Owning a copy of Jagged Little Pill is like owning a time machine that, by some bizarre design fault, can only transport you to your angstiest moments of the late 90s and early 00s. In a way, the album captures the experience of learning for the first time that things can be unfair, that people can hurt you, that life can suck. The songs depict the broad range of instinctive, almost mechanical ways we respond to this realization, be they anger, frustration, apathy, amusement, forgiveness, or optimism. It strikes me as the type of album that means something different to everyone who listens to it. To me, it brings me back to having frivolous fights with my older siblings in our basement. That an eminently talented and seemingly pretty pissed off 21-year-old (!!!!) Canadian girl wrote an album that resonated with everyone from middle-aged divorcees to whiny youngest children only beginning to learn about the world speaks to how well it really does capture the human condition.

Like any cultural set piece that so eloquently captures a long-lost zeitgeist, it also offers no shortage of retrospective comedic relief. Knowing that the line “would she go down on you in a theater” was directed toward the guy who played Uncle Joey in Full House is something close to euphoria. The line “I’m young but I’m underpaid” is a close scrutiny of Clintonomics that was at least 20 years ahead of its time. And, of course, it is nothing short of hilarious that Alanis gaslit an entire generation into misunderstanding the definition of “ironic.” 

I highly recommend giving this album a relisten this week. If absolutely nothing else, you can get out of this hellshit of a timeline and instead spend 50 minutes in your emotionally overwrought memories of the 1990s.

QUIZ: The 1975 Lyric, or Classic Teen Movie Quote?

1. “She can’t be what you need if she’s seventeen.” 

2. “I’m in love with Jesus Christ.”

3. “What happens to us in the future? Do we become assholes or something?” 

4. “We’re all human, we’re just like you man.”

5. “Who allowed you to be this beautiful?” 

6. “I don’t want your body, but I hate to think about you with somebody else.”

7. “Who needs affection when I have blind hatred?”

8. “Ugh, as if.” 

9. “Love yourself like someone you love.” 

10. “We accept the love we think we deserve.” 

11. “You’ve got a beautiful face but nothing to say.” 

12. “I want to go to the rooftop and scream ‘I love my best friend Evan!’”

13. “You just write about sex and killing yourself and how you hardly ever went to school.” 

14. “But the really amazing thing is, it is nobody’s goddamn business.” 

15. “Don’t fall in love with the moment and think you’re in love with the girl.”

16. “Why don’t you speak it out loud instead of living in your head?” 

17. “I just want to let them know that they didn’t break me” 

18. “We’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it.” 

19. “I put on this shirt, and I found your smell, and I just sat there for ages contemplating what to do with myself.” 

20. “Do you think they are maybe the same thing? Love and attention?”

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Answer Key
1. The 1975 lyric
2. The 1975 lyric
3. Back to the Future
4. The 1975 lyric
5. Booksmart
6. The 1975 lyric
7. 10 Things I Hate About You
8. Clueless
9. The 1975 lyric
10. The Perks of Being a Wallflower
11. The 1975 lyric
12. Superbad
13. The 1975 lyric
14. Easy A
15. The 1975 lyric
16. The 1975 lyric
17. Pretty in Pink
18. The Breakfast Club
19. The 1975 lyric
20. Ladybird