If you’re a good, red-blooded American, you’ve likely seen the flawless trailer for Godzilla vs. Kong. And if you’ve seen that trailer, there is one inescapable conclusion you’ve likely drawn: those two are going to fuck, right?

Don’t get me wrong—I know what they want you to think; these are two terrifying proto-monsters hellbent on destroying each other and everything in their paths. But c’mon. You’re telling me you watched that whole trailer, heard that mood music, listened to the long history of their relationship and saw them start to go at it and didn’t just know, “Oh yeah, they’re going to go at it, alright. They are going to destroy everything.”

I’m not saying it would be offensive if they didn’t fuck. But also… it would absolutely be offensive. In this day and age, in 2021, it would be incredibly puritanical to keep two creatures from fucking who are definitely ready to go to the bone zone just because one is a gigantic ape and the other is a dinosaur (ageist, much?). And if Christopher Nolan can produce a movie where Robert Pattinson definitely has poop re-enter his body (oh, you think pooping is off-limits in that reverse timeline?!? It happens. Grow up), we can get at least a couple minutes of Kong-on-Zilla action.

Let’s make this happen, America. We got a whole new fucking Sonic after one horrendous trailer. The least the film industry can give us now is the hookup of the century. 

Let them fuck! Let them fuck!