The Vibe-Rater

In which we provide a vibe-rating of people’s vibes:

  • Pete Buttigieg: his vibes are… OFF 😒. Look, I would abandon all my principles if bankers gave me $25 million too. But they didn’t, so I get to judge the shit out of him.
  • Jennifer Aniston: her vibes are… GOALS 🥰. She’s got a new show on something called an Äpplé TⓋ (???). She’s playing a Big J Journalist, in these times. And folks, she’s still hot!!!
  • Lauv: his vibes are… A WHOLE MOOD 😩. He’s sad? In a city? With substances at play? Uhhh hey buddy, don’t remember signing over my life rights!
  • Kawhi Leonard: his vibes are… ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING 😱. Like I do not feel safe being alive at the same time as him.
  • The Proletariat: their vibes are… FACTS FOR SURE ✊. Please do not guillotine me (during The Uprising).
  • George Kent: his vibes are… DADDY AF 🤤. That bowtie’s got me all sorts of fucked up.
  • Nick Saban: his vibes are… WASHED 🤡. The game has clearly passed this guy by—it’s hard to imagine the Tide won’t send him packing by season’s end.

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