Real or Fake: 2020 Reality Shows

Can you tell The Real Housewives of Atlanta from The Real Mousewives of Ratlanta? Put your pop culture expertise to the test by guessing which reality show is real and which is fake.

  1. A Very Brady Renovation: Actors from the TV show The Brady Bunch reunite to renovate the interior of the house that was only used for the show’s exterior shots. 
  2. Billion Dollar Boogie: Twelve wealthy socialites attempt to find love over the course of a six-week competition. The catch: They can only talk to each other while dancing.
  3. Celebrity IOU: Celebrities thank former teachers, coaches and other individuals who helped them in the past by giving them surprise home renovations.
  4. I Hate My Bath: A celebrity renovator transforms people’s houses—but only their bathrooms. 
  5. Brown but Not Out: Former California Governor Jerry Brown revisits his childhood passion, boxing, to get back into shape.
  6. Too Hot to Handle: Sexy singles are sent to an island to meet, mingle, and win money. The catch: If they kiss or have sex, the amount of money they can win is reduced.
  7. The World’s Worst Toilet: Celebrity plumber Mike Fresca visits the worst restaurant bathrooms in America and renovates them from the pipes up.
  8. LegenDairy: Ty Pennington helps independent farmers modernize their homes and rebuild their businesses.
  9. Blown Away: Master glass blowers compete over ten weeks to win exactly $60,000.
  10. Dragula: Ten queens put on their fiercest and spookiest faces to be crowned the world’s top drag supermonster.
  11. Smell Ya Later: Contestants sniff five different individuals. After being sent to a sensory deprivation chamber, they are blindfolded and must identify each person by smell only.
  12. The Casketeers: Quirky funeral directors help grieving family members through the burial of their loved ones while hijinks ensue.
  13. The American Bible Challenge: Comedian Jeff Foxworthy grills contestants over their knowledge of all things biblical.
  14. You’ve Got Male: Ten divorcees are given one month to decide if they’ll marry or dump their new mail-order husbands.
  15. Word to Your Mother: Famous hip hop artists’ moms compete in a three round rap battle, hosted by TV personality Lil’ Mama.

1. Real  2. Fake  3. Real  4. Real  5. Fake, but god do I want to see it  6. Real  7. Real  8. Fake  9. Real  10. Real  11. Fake  12. Real, and apparently quite heartwarming  13. Real  14. Fake  15. Fake, but I’m accepting offers from studios for production.

The 10 Best Quotes of The Last Dance, So Far

10. “There’s no I in team, but  there’s an I in win.” – Michael Jordan, when it was suggested that he could have had the ball slightly less often. 

9. “Straight up bitches.” – Horace Grant, describing the dauphin dynasty Detroit Pistons leaving the court without shaking hands after being disemboweled by the Bulls 4–0 in the 1991 ECF. 

8. “Are those the pills you take to keep you short or are those diet pills?” – MJ, a tall king, mocking body positivity icon Jerry Krause. 

7. “They had Craig Ehlo on me, which, in all honesty, was a mistake.” – MJ, 31 years after making a shot over Craig Ehlo. 

6. “Mom and dad, he’s an alcoholic.” – MJ, as Scott Burrell pleads with him to stop bringing up his infidelity and alcohol consumption on camera. 

5. “Michael was like the Pied Piper walking down the Champs-Élysées.” – The late David Stern, slandering MJ with allegations of paedocide. 

4. “Well, I think it’s been pretty easy.” – MJ, as a rookie, when asked about playing in the world’s foremost professional basketball league.

3. “Scottie, ya know, he’s got feelings.” – MJ, talking about the complex mental machinations of the greatest number two of all time. 

2. “I’m not gonna fuck my summer up.” – Scottie Pippen, unveiling those complex mental machinations to be primarily a desire to have a sick, surgery-free hot girl summer. 

1. “That was God disguised as Michael Jordan.” – Former Indiana State University letterman Larry Bird, falsely implying there is a distinction between God and Michael Jordan. 

Excuses for why you haven’t done that thing, now that you can’t say you don’t have enough time

  • All of your good novel ideas involve an intrepid lawyer who, while working from home, constantly searches for “coronavirus symptoms,” “coronavirus testing,” and “please dear god where are the tests”
  • Shakespeare wouldn’t have written King Lear while under quarantine if he had access to Netflix and medical-grade kush 
  • Forgot how long Civilization LAN games take
  • Just been putting a lot of time into this email newsletter thing, you know? 
  • Nowhere near as productive without being in a crowded coffee shop surrounded by awkward hinge dates and undergrads furiously typing on their powerpoint (??) presentation for Socioeconomics 210
  • You recently discovered that Road to Perdition fits into the lyrics to “Ignition – Remix” and you’re not sure what to do with this information
  • Unexpected breaking down into tears suddenly up 200%
  • If I clean my apartment, that’s just going to generate more trash, and isn’t increasing the workload for the garbageman a moral issue at this point?
  • My therapist* said I should really be more patient with myself, and that I shouldn’t expect to accomplish everything at once**. (*own blog, **ever)
  • Oh, I’m sorry, are you unfamiliar with The Dread?
  • You also recently discovered that “Pete Davidson” fits into “White Iverson” by Post Malone, and again, it’s just been a lot to take in
  • You have been at your computer for six days now, not sleeping, ordering new casserole dishes on
  • There are CHILDREN in CAGES!!!!
  • Good Screen and Bad Screen are the Same Screen now 😦

The Quarantiner’s Monthly Budget

someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying.

  • Rent: $0 (we on strike #StandWithTheCheesecakeFactory)
  • Groceries: literally whatever the cashier tells you, don’t even listen just take what he’ll give you
  • Deodorant: $0
  • Uber: $0 (net savings: $1,700)
  • Hand soap: $1,700
  • Laundry: $0
  • Restaurant delivery: $2,500 (support local businesses!)
  • Tip: 35%
  • Bleach: $3,900
  • Gym membership you forgot to cancel: $50
  • Amazon orders: $1,200
  • Netflix: again, they kind of just get to name a number at this point
  • Hulu: Not even a quarantine is getting us to subscribe
  • Shaving cream and razors: $0
  • Gas: $0
  • Puzzles: $500
  • Puzzle Shipping Rate: $9.99
  • Zoom membership: $14.99 somehow