Excuses for why you haven’t done that thing, now that you can’t say you don’t have enough time

  • All of your good novel ideas involve an intrepid lawyer who, while working from home, constantly searches for “coronavirus symptoms,” “coronavirus testing,” and “please dear god where are the tests”
  • Shakespeare wouldn’t have written King Lear while under quarantine if he had access to Netflix and medical-grade kush 
  • Forgot how long Civilization LAN games take
  • Just been putting a lot of time into this email newsletter thing, you know? 
  • Nowhere near as productive without being in a crowded coffee shop surrounded by awkward hinge dates and undergrads furiously typing on their powerpoint (??) presentation for Socioeconomics 210
  • You recently discovered that Road to Perdition fits into the lyrics to “Ignition – Remix” and you’re not sure what to do with this information
  • Unexpected breaking down into tears suddenly up 200%
  • If I clean my apartment, that’s just going to generate more trash, and isn’t increasing the workload for the garbageman a moral issue at this point?
  • My therapist* said I should really be more patient with myself, and that I shouldn’t expect to accomplish everything at once**. (*own blog, **ever)
  • Oh, I’m sorry, are you unfamiliar with The Dread?
  • You also recently discovered that “Pete Davidson” fits into “White Iverson” by Post Malone, and again, it’s just been a lot to take in
  • You have been at your computer for six days now, not sleeping, ordering new casserole dishes on Target.com
  • There are CHILDREN in CAGES!!!!
  • Good Screen and Bad Screen are the Same Screen now 😦

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