Hey dude, just calling to check in and also to ask you to use all your institutional capital on my behalf

Hey dude! How’s it been? Long time, I know.

Anyways, I was just calling to check in. And also to ask you to take what little institutional capital you’ve built up at your job and expend it on my behalf. 

It’s been a while. What’s new with you?

That’s great man. Really nice to hear. And how’s your new job going? 

Cool cool. Listen, I know we haven’t seen each other in person since pretty early into the Obama administration, but I have a question for you: Would you be willing to take the credibility you’ve built up this past year and use it to vouch for my recent job application? Sure, your manager probably just started pronouncing your last name correctly, and yes, even our Instagram interactions have trailed off the past couple of years. But hey, bud, it would mean a lot to me if you stuck your neck out for somebody whose sole qualification you’re familiar with is my ability to hit island cups in beer pong. 

You’ll see what you can do? Oh, sorry, you’ll “see if you can see what you can do.” Thanks man, that means a lot. 

Can’t wait until all this is over and we can catch up again in person. And please, if you can, it would mean a lot to me if you’d pass my info along to the coworkers who you’ve barely just started feeling comfortable emailing yourself. 

Thanks again. Your friendship means a lot to me. As does the shred of goodwill you’ve accumulated at your job that I’m asking you to expend on me. 

Cheers bud. 

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