The Vibe-Rater

Wherein we rate people’s vibes. Here’s this week’s vibe check:

Meghan Markle: her vibes are… SPRING BREAAAAKKK!! 🎉 Meg’s here for a good time not a long time, and she’s not about to spend her prime years with some musty old royals. DGAF YOLO, party in the hills tn!!

Megan Thee Stallion: her vibes are… STUDIOUS. 🤓 If your favorite rapper isn’t majoring in healthcare administration at Texas Southern University, then I hate to tell you but that’s not your favorite rapper. That’s just a townie you ran into outside an Amoco L.

Carlos Beltran: his vibes are… GUILTY. ⚖️ I’m not entirely sure what he did, although I understand it involved buzzing a garbage can to take photos of fingers. And I’m not entirely sure what the punishment should be, though I understand Texas is extremely pro-death penalty. But I do know that the Senate must commit to a fair trial and then find him extremely guilty.

Carlos Ghosn: his vibes are… INNOCENT. 😇 One of the coolest things about law is that if you escape to Lebanon (?) in an audio equipment box (??) aboard a private jet (!!!) from an airport that doesn’t send big boxes through security cause they’re too big (?!?!), you’re legally cleared of all charges. Kudus to Carlos for taking advantage!