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  • Biden Appointees, Ranked By Hotness

    November 24, 2020 by

    8. Ron Klain. I’d rather DIE of EBOLA than get with RON KLAIN. 7. Janet Yellen. I’ll be honest…she doesn’t really catch my. . . . . . . . . . . . . .interest 6. Alejandro Mayorkas. Maybe he’ll let me draw the face of a deported child on his bald, bald head. … Read more

  • Real or Fake: 2020 Reality Shows

    November 24, 2020 by

    Can you tell The Real Housewives of Atlanta from The Real Mousewives of Ratlanta? Put your pop culture expertise to the test by guessing which reality show is real and which is fake. A Very Brady Renovation: Actors from the TV show The Brady Bunch reunite to renovate the interior of the house that was only used for the… Read more

  • It’s Time to Compromise with the Sith

    November 24, 2020 by

    My Fellow Rebel Alliance Members, This past week has been a joyous one indeed. After years of fighting and thousands of casualties suffered, we have done it: We have defeated the Galactic Empire. The Death Star has been destroyed. Across the galaxy, Humans, Wookies and Jawas alike have erupted into spontaneous dance. It is a… Read more

  • A Step-by-Step Guide to Killing Grandpa

    November 24, 2020 by

    The air is crisp, the inflatable snowmen are out, and puffer vests have been swapped for puffer coats. Yes, it’s the holiday season — and that means one thing: it’s finally time to kill grandpa.  The old bastard has been alive long enough, and lord knows that beach house isn’t going to hand itself over.… Read more

  • I’m Definitely Not Rooting for Anyone to Get Hurt

    October 27, 2020 by

    The confirmation of Amy Coney Barrett as the newest Supreme Court Justice—who has as much experience trying constitutional law cases I do playing in the NBA—has gotten people justifiably riled up. In an egregiously short time window, the chief Demon Turtle of the Senate has forced through a LIFETIME appointment more aggressively than Donald Trump… Read more

  • 5 Perfect Halloween Costumes for 2020

    October 20, 2020 by

    Can you believe that it’s already Halloween next weekend? Between reopening schools and restaurants and fervently arguing over whether what we’re currently experiencing is a “second wave,” “third surge,” or “fifteenth thrust,” it seems that the last two months have just passed us all by. But if you, like so many, are caught unprepared for… Read more

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