-
I rewatched Friends from the beginning and I didn’t learn anything, sorry
Recently, due to my brain producing adequate levels of mood-regulating chemicals, I decided to rewatch the hit television program Friends from the beginning. This was a choice that I made because of my extreme mental wellness and overall contentment. Again, I am well. Regrettably, I did not learn anything in the process. It did not… Read more
-
The NCAA tournament kicked out all the Big Ten teams and honestly it’s gatekeeping
I was watching the NCAA non-women’s tournament and I noticed they literally kept making the Big Ten teams leave? Like it didn’t matter who they were playing, no matter how Oral the Roberts or how Sister the Jean, they wouldn’t let the Big Ten team stay and play. We MUST name this behavior: it’s gatekeeping,… Read more
-
It’s Astral Weeks Szn
Sunday formally marked the end of winter and the beginning of spring. For many of us, it’s been the toughest winter we’ve seen since at least 2014, when the Seahawks won the Super Bowl and Macklemore won Best New Artist and we realized that Seattle people had become just as insufferable as Bay Area people.… Read more
-
Did Matt James consider improper hearsay testimony on last week’s Bachelor?
The hearsay doctrine may be one of the most known and least understood legal principles of all time. Hell, I went to the same law school that produced a 7-time Jeopardy champion and I still have to look up all of the hearsay exceptions. This is all to say it was a very big deal in our… Read more
-
Proposed new features of the EA Sports college football game
College football’s video game is coming back! Will the players get paid? Probably not! Aside from rectifying a system that profits off of the unpaid, mostly non-white labor pool of college football players, here is our wishlist that we’d love to see in the new game: Newly improved post-game interviews with 1,000+ pre-programmed excuses from… Read more
-
Soul is the best movie of the pandemic
With all due respect to Palm Springs, Pixar’s Soul is the best movie to come out during the pandemic. I’m still not quite sure how a media Death Star like Disney ended up producing one of the most internal, challenging movies I’ve ever seen and that dwells on subject matter that’s often way too difficult to confront (What… Read more
-
Superheroes for 2021
Superheroes are created to match the needs and wants of their audience. At their best, comic heroes shed light on the difficulties people are facing and provide a medium through which the audience can imagine overcoming that adversity. Captain America was created as wish-fulfillment for anti-isolationists hoping to punch Hitler right in the kisser. The X-Men… Read more
-
Donald Trump is no longer president. Why doesn’t it feel better?
How long did you wait for this? How impossible did it used to feel that we’d ever get to this point? What were you thinking in those early morning hours of November 9, 2016? Or in those early evening hours on November 3, 2020? Well, we did it, Joe. Donald Trump is no longer the… Read more
-
Godzilla And King Kong Better Fuck In That Movie
If you’re a good, red-blooded American, you’ve likely seen the flawless trailer for Godzilla vs. Kong. And if you’ve seen that trailer, there is one inescapable conclusion you’ve likely drawn: those two are going to fuck, right? Don’t get me wrong—I know what they want you to think; these are two terrifying proto-monsters hellbent on destroying each other and everything… Read more
-
The Worst Ways to Ask Your Wal-Mart Pharmacist For the Vaccy
In gummy form Straight to the heart Infused into my homemade double IPA. Do you want to try my homemade double IPA? Here, I brought some, you should try it. Up the peen Mixed into a large jar of mayonnaise “So like, ya got doses?” [opens mouth wider than is normal for a human while… Read more
Our Takes. Unanswered.
Left on Read 