The Boys Back Home: There is nothing — NOTHING — more important than the boys back home. They crave a steady flow of your content. Don’t you dare forget about the boys back home!!
Mom ❤: For your once-a-year wholesome content. Crucially, this feature also sends your mom a twice weekly DM explaining how to use Instagram and reminding her to like and share all your posts.
Bae Who Doesn’t Know They’re Bae: Only one person is allowed on this list, a repository for only your hottest pics.
I Have Done An Alcohol: hahaha guysssss I’m so young and fun (basically everyone except for your coworkers and kids who won the D.A.R.E. poster contest).
Nudes: All of your friends are on this list, it’s more of a public account feature, really. Free the nip, folks.