You’re not allowed to worry about what’s in the Covid vaccine if:
- You’ve done drugs 🤪🤪
- You have ever referred vaguely to “a study”
- Something about vaping!!!
- You don’t have a history of severe allergic reactions to vaccines or chemicals frequently found in vaccines
- You are the author of New York Times–referenced book Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant ‘Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big
- You drank a freaking Four Loko!!!
- You were one of the Clemson football players who Donald Drumpf force-fed lukewarm McDonalds to
- You have played Eduardo Forty Hands
- You either own a Jay Cutler jersey or have ever watched an episode of Very Cavallari
- You live a life of sin
- You were part of the lab of food technicians responsible for the Papa-dilla
- You smoked the joint that was offered to you by the guy in the Jason Williams Kings jersey during Passion Pit’s set at Lollapalooza 2012
- You have ever eaten anything purchased at an Arizona Diamondbacks game
- You don’t brush your teeth and floss before Mommy tucks you into bed
- You have tried three or more flavors of MD 2020
- You voted, or thought about voting, or for the briefest moment considered the mere notion of voting, for Tulsi Gabbard
- You eat ass
- You’re still in line to vote! Stay in line!
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