A Step-by-Step Guide to Incorporating COVID-19 Into Your Brand’s Marketing

So you’re a super thoughtful brand deeply invested in your customers’ lives. You know you matter deeply to them. They love you, and you love them right back. Because you’re so important to them, you’ve decided it would be great if you incorporate some relevant messaging about coronavirus into your marketing. Maybe it’s a fun work from home discount. Or maybe it’s a joke about not having masks, but still having the best direct-to-consumer smoothies for dogs around. That’s great! However, navigating this situation can be really tricky. 

To help all of our brand marketing friends out there, here’s a step-by-step guide on how to seamlessly blend COVID-19 references into your marketing:

1. Get out a notebook
2. Grab a pencil
3. Write your ten favorite COVID-19 ideas for your brand
4. Tear the paper out of your notebook
5. Put it in a food processor with kale
6. Make a smoothie 
7. Drink your shitty ideas
8. Answer this question: Should my brand find a fun way to talk about Coronavirus
    a. If your answer is yes, continue forward. 
    b. If your answer is no, move on with your life

So you’re still with us, huh? You must have a really great idea. Here are just a few more steps to get that baby off the ground. 

9. Pick back up your pencil
10. Shove that pencil directly up your ass
11. Spend the next several hours getting said pencil out of your ass
12. Clean the pencil
13. Answer this question: Should my brand find a fun way to talk about coronavirus?
    a. If your answer is yes, continue forward—you craven asshole
    b. If your answer is no, move on with your life. We hope you’ve learned something.

Alright. You’re really fucking going to do this. Well, at this point, we may as well help. Here are just a couple more steps for you to complete to birth your beautiful marketing baby.

14. Pick up your pencil. We promise it doesn’t have to go into your ass this time.
15. Answer this question: Have you watched The Dark Knight?
    a. If your answer is yes, move onto the next step.
    b. If your answer is no, watch The Dark Knight.
16. One last time, answer this question: Should my brand find a fun way to talk about coronavirus?
    a. If your answer is no, you can leave now.
    b. If your answer is yes…are you sure?
        i. If your answer is no, we’ll let you go.
        ii. If your answer is yes, spend the rest of the day trying to recreate the pencil trick with your own head until your answer is no.

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