The Worst Things We’re Going to Do When Quarantine Ends

  • Keep talking to people about my sourdough starter
  • Go back to letting the faucet run without actually washing my hands, just so people outside the bathroom don’t judge me 
  • Touch
  • Produce Season 2 of Netflix’s Tiger King
  • Hold the subway poles with my mouth
  • Watch NFL football
  • Feel
  • Proclaim to be pro-science on things like climate change, but quietly hold an internal skepticism of vaccines
  • Get seriously injured and waltz into the hospital
  • Hold
  • Greet all strangers with an open mouth kiss
  • Scream, “I missed you, man!” at every passing stranger
  • Continue going on walks wearing a bandana around your mouth like an 8-year-old dressed up as a cowboy 
  • Stop tipping delivery drivers for a few months, to balance things back out

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