it is the summer of folklore and we are *feeling* things. t-swift has dropped an emotion bomb, and while our response has been to sob into a decaying oak tree, that may not be your vibe. however, there are certain reactions to this woodsy attack on the heartstrings that are more appropriate than others. here are the twenty-three definitively correct things to do after listening to folklore:
- calling your high school ex, begging them to get back together, fifteen years later
- diving headfirst into a murky bog and proclaiming it as your new home
- screaming, “why don’t you look at me like you used to?!?” at your mailman
- renting a 2006 honda civic for an unnecessarily cramped make out session
- getting a bob, regardless of whether you have the face shape for it
- editing every profile photo you’ve ever uploaded to be black-and-white
- listening to early lana del rey and whispering and pointing out all areas where taylor has now done it better
- muttering, “i gave so many signs” whenever you’re asked to repeat yourself
- calling your high school ex to tell them you hate them now more than ever, then hanging up and blocking their number
- replacing all of your summer tops with cardigans and embracing the sweltering heat because suffering is love
- cyberbullying inez
- buying a baby grand piano that literally can’t fit in your apartment
- carrying out an illicit affair, but, like, sadly
- authoring a hamilton-esque chilean historical musical titled “my tears, pinochet”
- calling your high school ex and crying, “was it true???” over and over, at a higher emotional pitch each time, until they finally say, “yes.” it does not matter if they know what you’re asking about
- getting in a fight with bon iver
- installing a screen door in your fifth floor walk-up, just to be able to slam it
- saying “fuck” in dulcet tones
- increasing the thickness of various sweaters
- allowing august to slip away like a bottle of wine
- legally changing your name to betty
- holding grudges, tenderly
- chamomile
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